so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what day is it and did you see me today?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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