I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
