i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
