I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
