so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
