I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
