Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
