I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
