i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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