I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
