She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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