Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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