he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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