He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
