It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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