toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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