all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
