Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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When did angry sex become our thing?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize