i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
