So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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