you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
