happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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