i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
