i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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