How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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