Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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