I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
