At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
did i walk over a car last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
