If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize