If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize