I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
