i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Where is the hickey?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
