Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
