i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
