This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
