I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
