We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
