I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
