That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
