It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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