I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
