once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
