im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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