Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
