I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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