Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
