Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
