took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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