It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
