Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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