I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
