so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he thought i was a dude.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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