sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
