I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
God I need to hump something, right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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