i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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