he fucked my hip out of place.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
