He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
