Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
