I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
