If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
