a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize