and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
