She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This house was built for laser tag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
