I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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