so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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