Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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