my phone needs a breathalizer
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The air was thick with penises
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
