did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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