Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
