: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
